W H I T E 🤍 F R A G I L I T Y

As you may already know, I am an avid reader. I believe it comes with the territory of being a language lover and story teller, and books have been a constant source of entertainment, inspiration, and education for me, but perhaps never moreso than now, in the time of COVID-19 and national conversations about racism.

Fortunately, I find myself often surrouded by other readers and lovers of books, and so when a highly intelligent, curious, passionate friend of mine for whom I have much respect suggested forming a book club to promote anti-racist conversations, education, and action, I eagerly joined.

[I had, also, with another group of friends participated in a Town Hall conversation with Rachel Rodgers of @helloseven fame and signed a pledge as a business owner to make my business an openly anti-racist, inclusive entity where all people could feel seen and respected. Joining this book club and coming back here to continue the conversation on my professional blog is part of that pledge.]

Our newly-formed anti-racist book club democratically elected #WhiteFragility as our first read.

This book has received it’s fair share of backlash. It’s controversial to those opposed to the notion of white fragility as well as to those who know white fragility exists but believe there are better ways to educate white people about our role in USAmerican society.

Usually when something is this controversial, I like to get personally informed so I can form my own opinion on the subject.

Although that’s not why I approached this book. I approached it because I wanted to become more anti-racist.

Maybe you read it and hate it. Maybe you’re opposed to reading it. Whatever your thoughts, here’s what I want to tell you about my experience reading it:

I saw myself in this book. Over and over again. It accurately described my reaction to the first time a precious human and friend of color confronted me with my own white supremacy and racism.

My first reaction over ten years ago (my, how times flies) was tears, denial, and anger. For exactly the reasons that Robin DiAngelo lists: I felt victimized by the accusations and wounded that a friend would attack me on a deeply moral level. I had been raised “to believe that everyone was of equal value” and taught “to treat everyone the same.” I felt unjustly accused, especially when I was told that I was privileged by a friend who came from more money, drove a nicer car, and could pay for more things than I.

To this day, when I think about my upbringing around racism, two things immediately come to mind:

1. The song, “Jesus loves the little children”, which talks about Jesus loving all the children of the world, “red, yellow, black, and white, they are precious in His sight”

2. A corresponding image of hand-drawn little boys and girls of different colors encircling a two-dimensional globe

Reading White Fragility was a lot like reading the playbook for my life when it came to conversations around race.

It affirmed for me a lot of learning that’s taken place in me since then, although if I were to read this book before any of that learning had taken place, I’m really not sure what my reaction would be. [Would it be helpful for me to share more about my experience with denying - and then learning about - my own privilege? Let me know in the comments!]

It is still not easy to imagine reacting gracefully to someone else confronting me with my own inherent racism, supremacist thinking, or blindness to another perspective. However, I am engaged every day in putting on new perspectives: through the books I read, the people I listen to and converse with, and through language learning, the gateway to other worlds and cultures.

My guidelines for receiving feedback on my own racist patterns now consist of 1️⃣ I’ll take it, try to learn from it, and try to do better 2️⃣ Thank you.

I am white. I am less #fragile than I used to be, but I’m still unlearning. I’m continuing my human education all the time, and I’m continuing on to the next read.

If you’d like to talk more about White Fragility before I do, let’s. 👇