What you resist, persists: stop resisting

Do you ever have a hard time accepting reality?

Uh, no, Nikki. I'm not delusional, thank you.

I hear you, but...are you sure you're not having a little trouble accepting things as they are?

Try this on for size: it's the end of the day and I haven't gotten everything done that I needed to. I haven't been lazy or slacking off, but I just didn't have time to get to everything on my list for the day. However, it doesn't feel acceptable to me to put things off for tomorrow. They're important and need to get done just as much as other things. So, I tell myself I'll just have to stay up late and finish them. I'll take a little break and eat dinner, then get back to work...

...hours later, I've stayed up late, but I haven't gotten much farther on the things that needed to get done. My brain and body are tired, but stress is keeping me awake. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, and helpless. I look at my phone and see a news update about something terrible. I start worrying about that, too. When I finally get to bed, I feel like I've wasted time, added more problems to my plate, and would have been better off just calling it a day and getting a full night's rest to tackle everything fresh tomorrow.

What is happening here?

It's not that we are delusional and denying reality, it's that we are resistant to it. We are resistant to accepting things that we don't want to be true.

(This example, by the way, is not purely hypothetical: it is a very real example of resistance showing up in my life!)

I resist time limits when I'm running late, or when I overbook myself because I don't want to say no to people I care about. We resist hard realities like this, and also subtler ones: what other people's behavior is showing us, how we're really feeling, the fact that we can't change another person.

Language students like to resist the fact that learning a second language takes time, or the real use of the language with other people. That's part of the reason apps like Duolingo and Babbel are so popular!

And what we resist, persists.

What we resist, persists.

Lo que se resiste, persiste.

This inner resistance that we carry isn't serving us - like when I stay up too late inefficiently trying to get more things done, this resistance is just making the problem worse. It's making it last longer.

If there is something you're having trouble accepting, resisting is only going to keep you from moving forward.

In order to change your reality, you've first got to embrace your reality. It is safe to accept the things that you just don't want to be true, mi amigo. As soon as you do, you will be able to find a real solution, or a powerful plan of action, for them.

What do you not want to be true? What have you been resisting? Try embracing that very thing this week. Watch and see what new ideas come to you once you do.

Your life & language coach,

Life is full of some hard realities. I'm here to encourage and empower you to move through them. Join me for a bilingual conversation in this week's episode of #SpanishSaturday, my weekly, bilingual life & language coaching series.

Click below to watch and listen.

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